Essays + Narratives

And then, in the height of the hustle, when our business was bursting with growth, a quiet conviction came in the night.

Busyness is not a badge of honor.

The words cut straight through my chest where I’d worn that invisible emblem for years. 

Every time someone asked me, “How are you doing?,”  I’d spout the same response: “Good! Busy!”

It was honest, but it was also quietly haunting me. 

This badge I’d proudly pinned to every interaction was like kryptonite, sucking life from me. 

Hustle couldn’t heal my heart. Hurry couldn’t prevent my panic attacks. Success couldn’t stall the years my children were racing through. 

There was no honor in building a life that left little room for living.

We’re clearing out Grandmom’s house. She’s already settled in at the nursing home, reluctantly. I live close by, so I’ve been here all week packing tea cups, glassware, odds & ends—the detritus left behind after inhabiting a place for fifty years. I wrap everything in newspaper, my hands turning black as the tears fall and […]

I unpacked the last box and looked around the living room of the house I’d call home for the next three years. The furniture had fit just fine in the spacious house we’d come from, but felt awfully cramped in here. The curtains I’d packed didn’t fit the windows, either. I’d have to buy new […]

At 12:01 pm, an email arrived in my inbox. It read, “My husband and I have been married for nineteen years. We both entered into this marriage knowing that he was gay, although what that has meant has changed over time. The last couple of years have been extremely difficult. When we began our journey, […]

Still Loved Rachel Schuehle I was at work when he called me.  My dad doesn’t call me often–usually just for birthdays or health updates–so I knew I should answer. I walked to one of the smaller private meeting rooms on the floor and shut the door. He entertained a few pleasantries before getting right to […]

Before I had strange secrets.  Before I was splintered in violence.  Before my memories were lined with shattered glass.  Before my mouth tasted sour every time I heard my name, I was a girl who wanted nothing more than to be a pediatric neurosurgeon, despite having very clumsy hands. Who loved spinning around in the […]