Essays + Narratives

You read many things about motherhood before you enter it, but you never learn about the loneliness. Even if you could read about it, you wouldn’t understand it until you were in it.  When my first child was born, I wasn’t alone—physically. My husband stayed home from work for weeks after the birth, and I […]

“What do you take that medicine for?” My nine-year-old asked me. I was taking my medicine in the morning like I always do for depression and anxiety.  “Well, you know sometimes how Mommy gets sad and cries out of nowhere? It helps with that.” I respond gently. He jumps right into the next question. “But […]

Gestational DiabetesEvery time I pricked a fingerSaid no to foodCounted carbsSubmitted to testsFought shame and fearI chose her best. Failure to LatchSending me home with only questionsSome babies take time to latchMine may never latch at allWhy can’t I do what I’m meant toWhere are the answers they’re trained to haveThey say breast is bestThen […]

My 3-year-old lays on her back on top of a white muslin swaddle blanket dotted with cornflower blue petals connected by twines of green leaves, my personal favorite from the newborn months. I am consciously aware of how much she has grown since it was last underneath her. Her toes tickle the edge while her […]

A hot wheels car, a transformer, and a dinosaur stand propped on a turquoise, wooden stool—all three staring at the toilet. My two boys are about to go to their grandparents’ house for the weekend, and I’m doing a once-over to avoid leaving anything of importance to them. Either this is Toy Story in real […]

What do we know of motherhood when we don’t even know how it shaped our own mothers, changed their peripheral views, altered their hips and dreams and ovarian nightmares? We know them only as our mamas, not the women who existed before. “Oh your mother, that one,” people might say, as if that other woman […]